 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
| the true reformed, vegnautic* sect of the | ||||||||
 |
||||||||
 |
||||||||
|
Invisible Pink Unicorn
|
||||||||
| founded in July 2000, 10 years after Her first computer-assisted revelation to non-virgins in 1990. | ||||||||
|
|
|
|
|
| the true reformed, vegnautic* sect of the | ||||||||
|
||||||||
|
||||||||
|
Invisible Pink Unicorn
|
||||||||
| founded in July 2000, 10 years after Her first computer-assisted revelation to non-virgins in 1990. | ||||||||
|
|
The New Revised Reformed Amalgamated Vegnautic* Standard Creed: We believe in One Unicorn, The Pink, The Invisible. Creator of Uncertainty, Keeper of Chaos, our Maker, revealed unto us in the alt.atheist usenet forum. She that Raptures Socks, She will smite those that mock Her brethren. When heathens partake in baloney, she invites her loyal servants to join the feast. We shall eat our fill, yea every belly shall be full with pure, untarnished, unadulterated, suffer-free pizza. Her revelations show us the folly of all religions, our personal insignificance, the understanding of existence, and the importance of 42. Spread Her Word. |
 |
| *Vegnautic: adj.1) following a vegan or vegetarian diet, or a diet of free-range and family farm raised animals because of personal moral or ethical beliefs OR 2) consuming products (not just food-stuffs) whose production does not directly cause human, animal, or environmental maltreatment. noun. A person, group, or diety that follows such practices as 1 or 2. |
How do we know that She is vegnautic, or expects us to be vegnautic?
There are several lines of evidence pointing the vegnautism of the Invisible Pink Unicorn. From her scriptures, for example, there is the suggestion that suffering is the one true evil:
"...And She sent hither to the Valley of High Grass those that ate upon the flesh of their fellows, for she had decreed that suffering was the one true evil, and they had caused suffering, and thus disobeyed Her Word." Equiness 4:19
from which the first definition of vegnautic arose. However, a direct quote of the IPU from her scripture reads: "Everything you ever paid another man to do, will be done to your daughter, to your wife, to your land, to your dog. The rape of your wife for her elivrat [diamond on her finger], the enslavement of your daughter for the Echshos [NIKE shoes] on your feet, the defilement of your land for your Mernisuka [SUV], the incarceration and beating of your dog for the metus [chicken McNuggets] on your plate. Each fifotev [nickel] spent to pay another man for deeds you could not do will poison your soul five-fold more than the deeds themselves" Obviously the second definition of vegnautic is actually a more generalized version of the first. By attempting to purchase only products that were made or produced in a way that one could feel morally proud to produce themselves, vegnautics are able to "vote" for their beliefs. Capitalism supposes the one dollar- one vote system, but the majority of Americans want only to vote for cheaper. By doing so, they are in essence voting for child slavery, animal cruelty, and environmental destruction. Vegnautics choose otherwise. ...More Vegnautic Scripture and clarifications.
Who is this She anyway?
You've never heard of Her? The One true One. Her Horniness. She whose hooves many never be shod. Her Pinkness. ....Until the internet, She had only been seen by female virgins (because of an extreme sensitivity to all STD's, including clap, crabs, and cooties). In 1990 however, she revealed herself on the alt.atheism usenet forum (earliest known mention) and offered to be a symbol for intelligent atheists everywhere. She is, obviously, an invisible pink unicorn that allowed the creation of the universe through natural physical phenomena by not ever existing except in the minds of men (and women and aliens). She is happiest when people hold hands with each other instead of a cruel arrogant "deity".
How can I join, help, spread the message?
Check out: 10 steps to becoming a better Vegnautic (coming soon). Add an IPU link to your webpage. Mention it on forums. Send me some fun stories or images for the site. Frown every time you hear mention of George W Bush. Read Douglas Adams. Buy cool paraphernalia from here (coming soon). Be active: actually go out and live life.
May She forgive you for your sins and always be within you.
Recent news from the divine grapevine:
"and she noted, through half-interested, invisibly pink eyes, the rising fame of the flying spaghetti monster. 'When will they realize the error in their ways?...No true god of chaos can be spawned from the seed of man. A Goddess will always rein, as she has always reined, despite the thoughts and beliefs of men.' " (quoted from, Revelations in my Pasta, by the inspired artist, VioletnZebra
Additionally, Her Horniness invites you to follow the adventures of Mohawk Ninja Master, simply because they amuse her.
For questions, suggestions, notification of divine intervention, prophet submissions, or requests for links: Contact: gma9 AT cornell DxOxT com
